Going through a separation or a break-up can be emotional and difficult. You might still love your partner, but you have decided that the relationship cannot continue for various reasons. You may have children together and the environment is not right for them.
In this type of situation, what do you do and where can you start?
The end of a relationship can bring up feelings of sadness, anger, confusion and heartbreak. On top of this, you have to sort out so many impending changes such as a new house, perhaps a new school, managing on single finances and navigating co-parenting.
Here are a few tips on the things you can do to try and help you deal with such a difficult time:-
1. Allow yourself time to grieve.
The end of a relationship is often similar to grieving a loved one and can be very straining on your emotions and mental health. You should not feel that you have to pick yourself up straight away, and you should give yourself time to grieve. You may have to come to terms with a separation, and in addition all of the changes to your lifestyle.
2. Seek support.
Support can be in various forms depending on what you can manage. You might find it helpful to seek support from friends and family. If you have children, you may want to use family/friends to help with caring for children whilst you take time for yourself. Or you may find it easy to meet with friends to talk to them about how you are feeling. You might find it easier to speak to your GP or a counsellor.
3. Attempt to reach an agreement as early as possible.
If it is possible, try to arrange how you will share care of children or pets as early as possible in line with their needs. You have to be realistic about what you can manage, for example, if you are unable to drive but the other parent can, you can factor this in when arranging handovers. You may not want to communicate with your ex-partner directly, and if this is the case, there are various methods including parenting Apps that you can use to help you navigate child or pet arrangements.
4. Try to find a way to organise your day-to-day life that works for you.
People deal with routines very differently, one strategy might not work for everyone. It is important to figure out what is best for you. You might find it helpful to make lists and use Apps to manage your daily routines. Some find it helpful to deal with things day to day. If you work, you should speak to your employer about any struggles you are facing so that they can support you. This might include flexible or hybrid working to allow you to manage handovers or school drop offs/collections.
5. Think about your finances in a realistic and achievable way.
If you find that you have no additional financial support from your ex-partner, you need to think about what you can afford? With the cost of living crisis, it is important to understand the cost of running a household, managing children or pets, and doing this on one income. If you need extra support you can look at topping up your income by way of benefits if this is suitable. Child Maintenance is also used to help manage the costs of living and raising children. There are also companies who can help you to manage utility bills as one cost instead of various costs going out at the same time.
The important thing for you, whether you are alone, have children or have a family pet; is that you should get support to help you deal with the separation – whether this be with friends/family, a support worker or through your GP or a counsellor.
If you are going through a separation and need some legal advice on your position then you can Contact Me.